I know what you’re going to ask: “Is this a kissing book?” Only sort of. SIGHTLESS is mostly a daemon fighting, ass-kicking book, but there IS one heck of a kiss right smack in the middle, and I’d like to share it with you as part of a contest I’m participating in. Let me know what you think!
Title: SIGHTLESS
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Carly dug her heels into the ground. “I found out around the time you played at The Flying Owl.”
“That was almost two months ago!” He released her hand. “I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.”
“The Dominatori say humans can’t know—“
“And your Dad! I can’t imagine what he’s been through, wondering where you are all the time.”
“I don’t need a guilt trip from you,” Carly said, yanking a weed out of the ground. “You have no idea how hard this has been for me.”
“You’re right, I don’t, because you didn’t trust me enough to let me in.” Tyler clenched his fists at his sides.
“I wanted to tell you every single day, but–”
“Then you should have. I’m your best friend.”
“Maybe that’s not enough for me!” Carly blurted out. She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she whispered through her fingers. “I didn’t mean that.”
Tyler knelt in front of her, his hands on her knees. His face was so close to hers that she could see flecks of brown in his blue eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “That you didn’t mean it?”
“Why does it matter?”she asked, unable to look away.
“It matters because maybe it’s not enough for me either.”
He reached a hand behind her head and pulled her toward him, his fingers warm against the back of her neck. She opened her lips, feeling the heat of his mouth on hers. She lay back, pulling him with her. He kissed her more deeply, cradling her head gently. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, craving the weight of his body on hers.
“I missed you, Carls,” Tyler whispered into her neck.
He rolled over onto his side, pulling her with him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. “I missed you too.”
[end]
Note for Judges: I’ve already been admitted into Round 1, so I’m only eligible for honorary mention 🙂
Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to let me know what you think in the comments!
Lauren
I’m impressed, Lauren! I think it’s really great. The actual kiss had just the right amount of heat and the entire passage was well written. You go, girl! 🙂
I agree with the above post. This is a great kissing scene. Even from the brief glimpse, I like the characters you created. My only critique would have to be your usage of exclamation points. I feel like they tell the reader how your characters are responding rather than just letting the mood you’ve built shine.
thank you both! I absolutely agree about the ! usage, so I’m going to adjust it *right* now!!
Mike is absolutely right. My critique was solely based on content, not punctuation. Wasn’t sure which you wanted, but just to round it out on my end, I rechecked punctuation. I would put a comma in “Well, maybe that’s not enough for me.” Then I noticed one last thing. I would take “even” out and say “I can’t imagine…” Sounds stronger, I think. Hope that helps! 🙂
Great job, awesome kiss. You can tell from the build up that these two really care about each other!
Great scene! Love the buildup to the kiss–I felt invested in them by the time I got to the kiss. Editing advice, Indent your second sentence because I thought Tyler was still talking but it’s actually Carly. Talk about nit-picky. Good luck!
Margie #40.
oh good catch! thanks 🙂
I think it’s funny how different people catch different things. I didn’t notice that at all. Guess the story was too good. 🙂
here’s hoping!
Great scene! Love the end, the familiarity in “I missed you, Carls.” Great job! –Amy (#5)
I like the build up, makes for some great tension before they actually kiss. Great stuff!!
My favorite part is her slapping her hand over her mouth. So perfect! And his response? Swoon!
I like how the heat of the kiss quickly reverts to tenderness in the ending moments. I can tell these two truly love each other; they’re best friends, after all, and now more. Nice work!
Kathryn #18 (I set my blog post to auto-publish early this morning, and it failed. It’s up now if you missed it. 🙂
Ah, I love the reference to The Princess Bride at the start of the post. 🙂 I enjoyed this scene! I thought the transition from hurt/anger to forgiveness was well done and believable. Plus even just in this short passage you’ve managed to invest the reader in your characters. Great job! –Saybe (Kissing Scene #23)
Oww where’s the rest? I wasn’t finished reading! Lovely writing, I am intrigued by the concept, she’s a demon? Good luck for the agent round 🙂
Amber #100
you guys are so nice! I’m going to be making my rounds tomorrow. I can’t wait to read them!!
This is so swoon-worthy! Love it! This is great, and I love the concept of it…I’d read more if I had more to read!
Virginia #7
Great scene you made me fall in love with your characters here, so I’m giving you the CUTEST COUPLE AWARD. Loved it!
*btw I’m one of the kissing judges.
Yay!
I agree with Brenda. LOVED these two characters together! <3
Larissa (#47)
Princess Bride reference for the win! (Wait, you’re already in the final round, you don’t need to win!) 😉
I agre with others, careful on the !!!’s – it can really pull a reader out of the story, think of hearing each one of those like a little “pop!” in the dialogue. I liked the contrast between how comfortable they are with each other, and yet how uncomfortable at the same time – friends to lovers!
Best of luck in the agent round,
Melonie (Kiss #29)
Great scene! This was a captivating roller-coaster of emotions between these characters, which was FABULOUS from the get-go. No wonder you’re in already! So glad you participated so I could read this!
thank you! you’re so sweet. I’m really surprised by how positive the feedback has been — you’re all so nice 🙂